I have a womb and I
might not want to fill it,
I could have an
emotion but I might not want to feel it.
I might seek a path
that has no destination,
I might want to live
a life that has no obligation.
I have been writing itsy bitsy
articles about the repercussions of resting all the rights (or not) of bearing a child with the woman. I never
found it more compelling to be vocal about this, before I read a paparazzi
article about Rick Salomon accusing his partner and popular celebrity Pamela
Anderson to have undergone abortions without knowledge of her partners. Truth
to this allegation seems to be slim as it comes as a backlash after her
restraining order against him. However it has reignited the age-old issue –
what is the purview of right of a man to father a child?
This question is becoming more
and more overt as women are becoming self aware and career oriented. Even in
developing South Asian countries like India, there is rise in women deciding to
stay childfree at least in metropolitan demographics. Recently an Indian girl,
Indhuja made a website for her matrimonial alliance in which she has bluntly
stated her choice of staying child free. The webpage went viral and even
garnered positive response. And very recently a video filmed by Homi Adjania
for Vogue Empower, featuring Indian actress Deepika Padukone asserts that it is
a woman’s choice to bear a child or not. The keyword is ‘choice’. It is not a
moral or biological obligation anymore and her partner should let her have a
say in this.
Ideally bearing a child should be
a couple’s decision but in a situation where woman has conceived and doesn’t
want to carry it, while her partner wants to father the child, what should be
the stance of the woman or the man? It is a paradoxical situation where
religious, societal and ethical values govern individual decisions. The woman
may argue that it is her body, which has to nurture the fetus and feed the
infant. She has to undergo all the physical and emotional changes. The man may
argue that nature waiving off all the physical responsibility of bearing a
child from him, should not mean that he is the lesser parent. He also undergoes
emotional changes and can equally share the responsibility of raising an infant.
Since women have a womb and men don’t, it is relatively easy to be biased
towards women though it is not fully just.
Staying child free must not be an
individual decision. And abortion certainly should not be one. Since conceiving
a child requires both the partners, the choice of opting out bringing forth a
progeny should also be their mutual decision. The ideal scenario would be to
arrive at an understanding at the very beginning of the relationship, but
should conflict arise later, the resolution should be arrived at jointly by
both stakeholders. It is however
debatable whether religion and/or society are stakeholders or not.
It could not emphasized more that
it is time that the choice of a woman to not bear a child should be respected
and childless couples should not be biased against in society. The human
society as a whole is becoming more accommodative of alternate choices and this
how civilizations thrive.
