I remember the relief and joy when I heard the term “Childfree”
for the first time, I felt that it conveyed my attitude better than the
self-deprecating ‘child-less’. Would you ever call an intelligent, beautiful,
smart, fun-loving, and not-to-mention humble, happy-go-lucky woman who is
completely at peace with herself and the world as “anything”-less? Other than,
probably, stress-less or worry-less! In my eyes without a child I am only ‘more’
of everything that I personally value. Till
I hadn’t heard of CF, it irked me that I might get labeled as something I am
clearly not: Child-less. Not anymore though, now there are three kinds of
people in the world:
1.
childfree-by-choice,
2.
childfree-by-chance , and
3.
parents;
All three have the equal right to live happily with their
heads held high. The point is: no one is childless anymore; and having a child
is a just a preference, it is not an obligation. (Even the people who were
called “childless” in the old times aren’t to be pitied, I have personally seen
many such ‘erstwhile’ childless couples live an enriching and fulfilled lives
till their very end; but this is besides the point.)
Many people choose to be free of kids for different reasons,
but one thing that is common with all of them is the reactions they evoke from
their friends, families and even strangers. We get to hear responses ranging
from dis-belief, shock, anger, denial, ridicule, hate, hurt, sorrow, pity
(ewww!) to jealousy . It kind of makes you wonder what’s
ailing your loved-ones, where did all the love and affection suddenly
disappear? Sadly, often, we get defensive in the onslaught of such negativity.
In times like these it helps to remember that although the
people’s perception of you might have altered, but the love of your friends and
family would not really change, in fact it is the same love that is causing
them to be the rain on your party. They are un-necessarily, yet genuinely,
concerned that you have made a wrong choice; and they’d do anything, including
ramming their fists up your comfort zones, to dissuade you from it. However
earnestly you may talk about the wisdom of being child-free you have to accept
the fact that many of your loved ones will never really completely understand
or agree with you on this. The more they love you the more they’d trouble your peace. I personally find here, as in the face of any
adversity, we just need to keep calm and hold on to our wits. Little
disagreement is in fact good for any healthy relationship; it gives us a chance
to be in that relationship and also to be ourselves. A combination of infinite patience and sense
of humour is a potent cure for all evil. It can be a weapon and it can be a
shield; used either way it can effectively save you from getting hurt by others
and, more importantly, it keeps you from causing any dent in your social-circle
“without compromising on your peace”.
The divide between the parents and CFBC will always be
there, but let us remember that since CF have more time and more peace of mind
from not having a brat-infested home, it would be nice to help the ward-weary
parents now and then. Be their missing link to fun and peace. The onus is on us to give the resemblance of
some sanity to the world; try to clean the unholy-mess they are creating for
their unsuspecting little bachchas to
inherit. Not just the blah-bys but their
pah-rents should be thankful that some of us have the good sense of using our
minds instead of our wombs.
CannyKan: “There
is no mystery half as alluring as a woman secretly smiling to herself.”
