Saturday, 3 November 2012

Why/not Kids?

How many couples actually sit down and debate (rationally) on - why kids?

I’ve found no compelling reason or explanation from most (current/impending) parents on why they have kids…granted – you could be lucky and the little chap might turn to be handy – could have gotten that elusive gene! What are the odds?

A long way back and perhaps with the Mormons and the Amish –there’s the valid need to have a steady supply of labor to till the lands, build furniture etc
But modern society?

Why have them? 

I’ve listed out broad categories for reasons of parenthood (or impending parenthood)

1.      Viewing Marriage or courtship as a natural precursor to procreation – i.e. an expected outcome; these are the guys who find it difficult to convince people that their kids aren’t actually bastards – ahem – let me re-phrase; Marriage Date: 1 Jan 2000; New addition to the family: 25th August 2000…do the math!

2.      POF or (Proof of Fertility); very common in developing countries where you have modernists leaning towards curbing population growth while parents and in-laws start despairing if there’s no ‘good news’ forthcoming. Forget the fact that – earlier – not being able to have kids got the woman blamed plenty; even if the husband had a sperm count 100. Something similar to (1) except here – the impetus is more socio-environmental that assumed. 

3.      Narcissism – the need to look at your replica and think – “I gave life – I’m god!!! Whoopee”! Look at Tennis playing Williams sisters – their father probably proudly thinks the same – “They look JUST like me!”

4.      Someone to hold your bed-pan when you’re pushing 103; I mean – don’t you need someone when you get old? Er – there ARE cheaper ways you know??

5.      Mistake

a.       ‘He knew, She didn’t’ or vice versa (One of them still fits in one of the above categories); or both – those additional tequila rounds did them in…
b.      ‘Uh – how did it happen?’ – the kind who make reading Agony Aunt/Uncle columns worth a read – “my girlfriend kissed my cheek – will she get pregnant?” or the type who ought to be neutered before being let out in public

6.      Short term solution to current problem

a.       Bored of marriage – Old School – completely bored with partner – need to strengthen the bond – what better glue than the threat of child support in addition to alimony?
b.      Partner has awful breath – easier way than getting away with “Not tonight Dear” for plus-minus 4 months 

7.      Taking the bible a little too seriously – “Go forth and multiply” was not to be taken literally; the first time people took it literally God sent a flood and Noah had to build an ark; we don’t want a repeat of that – most acts of nature are actually meant to ‘balance’ mankind’s follies …

8.      Genuine interest in having kids – possibly a rare group – the others who claim to fall in this category are guided subconsciously by other factors – like the above points

They are high maintenance – in today’s economic scenario –the financial implications are enormous. Plus, you could dedicate your entire life to actually nurturing Ted Bunty’s or Hitler’s reincarnation – give you heartburn when they act no different from your pet dog and get your neighbor (or her daughter) pregnant (while unmarried or married to someone else) or basically start doing what I’m doing – wondering why people have kids!

Nothing’s certain in this world – I think the Japanese & the Chinese have it right – they have the government giving incentives for Kids– it’s a vicious circle – the government of course on its part sees a huge threat to the exchequer and is just trying to establish a steady pool of future tax-payers...

The world’s becoming a horrible place to be in – chances of our being able to colonize space and make Mars habitable seems unlikely (assuming the Americans suddenly realize they’re wasting precious tax-payers’money sending toy-rovers). Global warming, crime rates, poverty, inflation, irrational bosses – all reasons to use save your potential kids from the trouble!

And what choice do the kids have in this matter? Poor sods –we should all wait for a time when sperm and the egg have a mutual discussion prior to fusing, does my half of the zygote agree to take on the troubles of being raised by the two adults who just did what they did? That’s nano-revolution for you!

 PS The "working title" for this blog was "Super-Expensive Home Nurses"


  1. Hilarious and ironic! Great post ZyianidE, I love the sarcasm and the idea of nano-revolution. An additional reason I often come across- have kids because -- WAIT --beacuse Everybody else is doing it. It is a done thing - you take birth-> grow up-> get married -> have kids. This is the life script you are "supposed" to follow without questioning. You don't have to use your brain; it is like a cult; a command from some invisible puppeteer - just follow it, do it again, and again coz this is what the majority of people do. "Thank you so much" I say, "keep repeating the actions (mistakes) of the majority if you want to, just count me out". When I have been given the thinking faculties to make my own decisions I'll just use it. If I can learn from your mistakes why do I need to make the same mistakes myself? :)

    Pssst...My puppeteer says "the choice is yours - do what you must"; He really does; No kidding! (Pun intended)