BEING FREE

I remember the relief and joy when I heard the term “Childfree” for the first time, I felt that it conveyed my attitude better than the self-deprecating ‘child-less’. Would you ever call an intelligent, beautiful, smart, fun-loving, and not-to-mention humble, happy-go-lucky woman who is completely at peace with herself and the world as “anything”-less? Other than, probably, stress-less or worry-less! In my eyes without a child I am only ‘more’ of everything that I personally value.  Till I hadn’t heard of CF, it irked me that I might get labeled as something I am clearly not: Child-less. Not anymore though, now there are three kinds of people in the world:

1.       childfree-by-choice,

2.       childfree-by-chance , and

3.       parents;

All three have the equal right to live happily with their heads held high. The point is: no one is childless anymore; and having a child is a just a preference, it is not an obligation. (Even the people who were called “childless” in the old times aren’t to be pitied, I have personally seen many such ‘erstwhile’ childless couples live an enriching and fulfilled lives till their very end; but this is besides the point.)

Many people choose to be free of kids for different reasons, but one thing that is common with all of them is the reactions they evoke from their friends, families and even strangers. We get to hear responses ranging from dis-belief, shock, anger, denial, ridicule, hate, hurt, sorrow, pity (ewww!)  to  jealousy . It kind of makes you wonder what’s ailing your loved-ones, where did all the love and affection suddenly disappear? Sadly, often, we get defensive in the onslaught of such negativity.

In times like these it helps to remember that although the people’s perception of you might have altered, but the love of your friends and family would not really change, in fact it is the same love that is causing them to be the rain on your party. They are un-necessarily, yet genuinely, concerned that you have made a wrong choice; and they’d do anything, including ramming their fists up your comfort zones, to dissuade you from it. However earnestly you may talk about the wisdom of being child-free you have to accept the fact that many of your loved ones will never really completely understand or agree with you on this. The more they love you the more they’d trouble your peace.  I personally find here, as in the face of any adversity, we just need to keep calm and hold on to our wits. Little disagreement is in fact good for any healthy relationship; it gives us a chance to be in that relationship and also to be ourselves.  A combination of infinite patience and sense of humour is a potent cure for all evil. It can be a weapon and it can be a shield; used either way it can effectively save you from getting hurt by others and, more importantly, it keeps you from causing any dent in your social-circle “without compromising on your peace”.

The divide between the parents and CFBC will always be there, but let us remember that since CF have more time and more peace of mind from not having a brat-infested home, it would be nice to help the ward-weary parents now and then. Be their missing link to fun and peace.  The onus is on us to give the resemblance of some sanity to the world; try to clean the unholy-mess they are creating for their unsuspecting little bachchas to inherit.  Not just the blah-bys but their pah-rents should be thankful that some of us have the good sense of using our minds instead of our wombs.

  

CannyKan: “There is no mystery half as alluring as a woman secretly smiling to herself.”