Sunday, 11 November 2012

Got 'Good News'?

I just got a raise

We bought our dream car

The pretty lake terrace apartment is finally ours!

Come December and we are off to Rio

I am 2 kilos lighter

It’s our 7th wedding anniversary

Doesn’t all of the above qualify as Good News? Apparently no, even if you are heady from exuberance you must remember that it’s not good news unless it originates in the womb. Unless you announce to the world the victorious saga of the single sperm that spearheads a tumultuous series of biological chain reactions that alter everything from your physical appearance to perception. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no mood to belittle procreation and displace it from grace. Neither am I cowering to throw open my innards for any such experiment in the name of ‘creation’. I just don’t feel the need for it! Period!

Babies are cute but plump cheeks and bobbing heads have never managed to create even an iota of longing in me to court the cradle. In my early years, I loathed playing house-house with the neighbourhood girls who would lovingly cradle and feed dolls with instinctive ease. Those were my first signs of the CFBC syndrome and thank heavens it went unnoticed and saved me the trauma of a maternal-feeling-inducing bootcamp where naysayers are converted with military precision.

I survived but they found me out. And now there’s war. Everyday I dodge bullets of suspicion, missiles of derogatory adjectives and canon balls of emotional blackmail. My reproductive system has become an exhibit, my condom closet is up for inspection, my sex life can be the topic of boardroom discussions. Fortune tellers are being actively sought, the Gods are being appeased, examples of happy ‘complete’ families are being thrown on our faces…the list is innovatively exhaustive.

But the good newsis, I’ll not succumb! 


  1. How True! It is the same story everywhere. You may have wonderful things to share but do they really care? No, the breeders just care for kids; and that too only for the kids who will breed further. For some people everything in life is built around and for their progenies.

    Heard a remark from a mom of two: "My consideration is only for my kids"; as she conveyed her decision to move to a city away from her husband; for her kids' studies. Granted that their particular situation might require her relocation; however, does it still justify the callousness of the statement : "...only for kids"(WTF!) One is tempted to ask: "Is the husband just a sperm-donor and provider to you?" I wonder if the poor fool realizes what all he lost along with his sperms that night?

    Any thoughts on what her kids might say when they leave her nest? "Sorry Mom, we do care, but only for our kids. Ain't that a Good News huh!?

    Try as I might, I fail to see any "good" coming out of this blind obsession with children. The words "good news" only rouse my sympathy for would-be pops n moms; I truly feel sorry for their loss.

  2. I think being the first of our kind-atleast in India- we are likely to face the conndemnation of our parents, family and peers. But come to think of it, that once upon a time so did the Blacks, the Jews and the gay community!! In retrospect, we have it a lot easier.I guess the trick is to first be absolutely convinced ourselves that this is what we want-next be absolutely sure that the others are not talking out of wisdom, but out of their personal belief of how things should be- the decision will be a lot easier to adhere to then. I think I have taken my time to reach this stage-but I have-and that's what matters.

  3. Good post Ipsita. And I agree with Anu that it will take a while for people to accept childfree couples-that too by choice. Let us bide our time till then but stick on to our resolution without buckiling down!!

  4. Good one Ipsita...
    Well - i do hope we'll be comfortable enough in in time when we choose to see through every recrimination without using them to bolster the true reason for our choice...

  5. Dear CFBC India members, if you wish to share your experiences/ thoughts the way some of us are already doing, please go ahead and author a post (s). leave your email I'd and we'll get in touch with you for the rest. We look forward to hearing from a lot of you!

  6. I think it is good news that we are coming together like this and speaking up. We need to support each other mentally.Reading this article has helped me in more ways than Ipsita realises. Thank you because I was always worried and felt forced into giving in by relatives/in laws/ parents.This is really the power of creating this blog. It has REALLY helped me firm up my ideas JUST WHEN I NEEDED TO. IT WAS ALMOST AS IF THESE WORDS WERE WRITTEN FOR ME!!!
    I have also resolved NOT TO SUCCUMB EVER!!
    THANK YOU AGAIN for creating this wonderful blog.THANK YOU!THANK YOU!THANK YOU!- Ruby Mendez

  7. Hey Ruby/ Sunny,
    I cannot tell you enough how wonderful it feels to read your response to Ipsita's blog. This could perhaps be counted as one of our blog's significant little successes.It is becoming more and more apparant, that many of us have to first win the battle with ourselves before we free ourselves of the guilt that prevents us from standing up to the rest of the world-especially to our own well meaning families!
    So well, congratulations to you for having firmed up your decision and thanks to Ipsita for having made a difference through her writing!!
    Be happy and keep blogging!

  8. Whoa!! I am so happy the closets are finally open and we don't look like a minority anymore. CannyKan, in my opinion having a child is a good thing for people who decide to have them, so their obsession, blind or otherwise is completely justified. It's a way of life they have chosen for themselves, so it would be unfair to critique their choice. After all no one should be at the receiving end based on their choice, neither us, nor them.

    Ruby, am glad I could echo the angst! I bet each of us 'same-pinch' one another if we compare notes :) Join the club and stay strong!

    Rahul, the acceptance of Child-free By Choice concept and the Lokpal Bill might actually be a reality!! Wait and watch :)

    Anu & Zyianide, you deserve ample credit for this refuge! Hope our numbers grow faster than the Census figures :)